Tonight is one of those marvelous nights where my mind seems to be wonderfully toiling away pondering a dozen different thoughts.  It could be the cup of coffee giving it this sudden burst of insight or maybe just a bit of my usual night-owlish tenancies kicking in.  I am on a race to build myself up as firm and well prepared as possible for college and a future career.  Every day seems like a minor stepping stone toward becoming that better artist and hopefully someday on par with the incredible individuals in the vfx industry that I adore and look up to.  My only hope is that my mind can handle every bit of knowledge I am feeding it in such spontaneous bursts, that hunger to learn seems to make life even better.  It is a shame that when we grow older most of us lose that spark we had as children to explore and discover the world around us.  Things aren't any less astounding than they were back then, we just get distracted with schedules and commitments that we forget to notice how intricately detailed and sophisticated every aspect of our lives are.  Part of my reflection on the world around us has taken place because of receiving word that a second friend of mine has chosen to end his life.  I just can't comprehend what would push someone that far knowing that in every single day we never have a "bad" day, there are always events and moments throughout a rough day that go right or turn out just fine not to mention the sun rises another day and lets us start refreshed and on a new note.  At one point I felt like I was separated from the emotional pull of the world around me, then there is always a moment to jostle me back to reality and make me realize I am human just like everyone else.  It's hard to logically organize thoughts twirling around in head not because of a little dose of caffeine but the overruling concept of a life abandoned and the mystery, frustration,sorrow and hundred other emotions perpetually driving those images. To my old friend I just wish I could of been there to listen to whatever thoughts you desperately needed heard, I know it isn't my fault that I couldn't be and a decision is a decision.  It is just a shame that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.